The Tuesday Challenge

So on Sunday I took a very sharp carpet knife and ripped up the canine urine soaked carpet at the bottom of the basement stairs. The challenge is for me to tile it today. I have a full set of instructions that talk about different kinds of trowels, staple guns, and screed(?). Hopefully I'll be able to find an associate at Home Depot to give me a hand in finding everything (I used to go to Lowe's, but ever since our favorite associate - Smokey - passed away the service hasn't been as good). Even more hopefully, I aim to have all of my fingers still attached to my hand by the end of the day...